I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize