I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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