just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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