Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
