Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
only if we run a train.
done.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
