anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
