Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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