Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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