So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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