He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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