ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
