There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
