I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
