I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
