5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
