I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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