don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
