I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
