i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
