I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
