i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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