i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
