I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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