Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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