please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
honey bunches of taint.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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