Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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