that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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