So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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