That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was CRYING into my vagina
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
