All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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