Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize