All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
