I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
