do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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