Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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