OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
