ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
