if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I checked into jail on foursquare
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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