I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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