How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
