who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
