Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
