I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
