Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
