This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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