I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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