I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
