So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
