I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
