i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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