I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
