96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't turn off my feet"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I currently don't understand fingers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
