When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
