I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
