He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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