I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
People in love make me want to vomit
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize