So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
