True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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