the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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