I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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