Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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