eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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