and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
