I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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