when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
