Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
