Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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