so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
