Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
