2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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