M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
