i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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